Author Topic: Just Joking  (Read 5595 times)

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Offline metabolik13

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Just Joking
« on: June 14, 2010, 08:35:03 PM »
 OK, so I unintentionally deleted the "Joke of the Day" thread, so I'm going to do my best to get as many of them back up here ASAP!!
   

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Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2010, 08:35:28 PM »
One year, a  husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?" I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
******************************************************************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started.....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started.....
******************************************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered.I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
*****************************************************************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started.....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2010, 08:36:31 PM »
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, a young lady became
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the
height of the first step of the bus.

  Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached  behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
give   her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only
to  discover that she couldn't.

  So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip  her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

  Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a
little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little  more
and again was unable to take the step.

  About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her   
  Up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

  She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,
  'How dare you touch my body? I don't even know who you are!'

  The Texan smiled and drawled,
  'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my
fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends.'
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2010, 08:38:45 PM »
One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow. Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night, the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.  Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?"

"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time \with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.

"The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up seven times"
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2010, 08:40:48 PM »
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother
one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was
dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a
boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my
boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The
religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm
happy
with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception
was terrible. She started adjust ing the knobs, trying to get
the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV
hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he
hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The
minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend."

The minister fainted.

Now, that's funny.....I don't care who you are!
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2010, 08:42:45 PM »
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag.
         He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
         The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

         The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9'' high and sets him on the counter.

         He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

         He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

         The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful Piece by Mozart!

     ' Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.

         The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.
         This time he pulls out a magic lamp.  He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.'
         So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

         'I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... each person is only allowed one!'

         The bartender gets real excited.  Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!'

         A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.  It is soon followed by another duck, then another.
         Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!         
 
The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your  Genie's' a little deaf.  I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks.'

         'No kiddin'!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?'
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2010, 08:44:26 PM »
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes
for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2010, 08:47:02 PM »
A salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Indian gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in bag?", the Indian asks the driver. The driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife." The Indian is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2010, 08:50:27 PM »
Muslim QB


The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.


Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.


       KABOOM!


He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.


      KA-BLOOEY!


Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.


      BULLS-EYE!


"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"


So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.


"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"


"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"


"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."


"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit !"
   

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Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2010, 09:08:36 PM »
A guy went to the Post  Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asked him, 'Are you  allergic to anything?
He replied, 'Yes -  caffeine.'
'Have you ever been in the military  service?'
'Yes,' he replied. 'I was in Iraq for two  years.'

The interviewer said, 'That will give you 5 extra  points toward employment.
Then he asked,'Are you  disabled in any way?'
The guy said, Yes....an IED exploded  near me and I lost both of my 
testicles.

The interviewer grimaced and then said,'O.K. You've  got enough points for me
to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00  A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
You can start tomorrow  at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every 
day.

The guy was puzzled and asks, 'If  the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00
P.M.,
why don't you want me  here until 10:00 A.M.?

This is a government job, the  interviewer said. For the first two hours, we
just stand around drinking coffee  and scratching our balls. No point in you
coming in for  that.
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2010, 09:28:57 PM »
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE
UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
those fears..'

'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the
doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you
come to see me about those fears you wer e having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful
lot of money! My Irish bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have
saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask,
did your bartender cure you?'

He told me -- "lad, Get yurself a forkin saw and cut da forkin legs off the damn bed! -

Ain't nobody under there now!!!


   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2010, 06:51:38 PM »
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an  Arizona  immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the  United States  with your wife and eight children."
 
The man told the fairy,  "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and --  PING  ! -- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

"What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder.  "I need a big house with a three car garage in  Annapolis  on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. 
I want to bring them all over here" --- and --  PING ! -- in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale
neighborhood overlooking the bay.
 
"One more wish", said the fairy, waving her wand.

"Yes, one more wish.  I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero .  And I want to have white skin like Americans"
---and ---  PING ! -- The man was transformed - wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap.  He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?"  he wailed, "Where is my new house?"

 
                              THIS IS GOOD . . . . . . . .
 
                             NO, ACTUALLY THIS IS VERY GOOD . . . . . . .....
   
  The fairy said:

"Tough shite, Amigo, Now that you are a White American, you have to fend for yourself."
 
And she disappeared..
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline Sportfan01

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #12 on: June 17, 2010, 06:49:11 PM »

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.

"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know chit?"

Offline Sportfan01

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2010, 06:51:01 PM »
In the spirit of giving, we're gonna give you some more Obama Jokes... a flurry of Q&A shorties sure to leave you asking for more. Everyone will be laughing... except for Barack Obama, because that would be racist.

Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.

Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn't have a virgin birth.

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama.

Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he's running out of George Bush jokes.

Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she's running out of other crazy things to do.

Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.

Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Carter doesn't want to be the worst President in history.

Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water.

Offline Sportfan01

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2010, 06:55:18 PM »
Obama, McCain and All Hillary Die And Go To Heaven


John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"

McCain takes a breath and then replies, "Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book." God looks down and then says, "You can sit to my left side."

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?" Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, "I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long." God again looks down and this time says, "You can sit to my right side."

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"
Obama smiled and replied, "I think you're in my seat."

Offline Sportfan01

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #15 on: June 17, 2010, 06:56:37 PM »
"Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and there was one heckler in the audience, kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor."

Offline River Rat

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #16 on: June 17, 2010, 09:03:52 PM »
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works dept. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it --why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again? The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed,Well I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in Sick.


Went out last night and got really wasted. 
I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2010, 06:14:17 PM »
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red......................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange ...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,
'Oh my Goodness!...
They're ass-holes!'

The teacher had to leave the room!
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline true_rebel

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #18 on: July 24, 2010, 10:48:31 AM »
Little Johnny walks in on his mom and dad having sex.  Little Johnny asks his mom what she is doing to his dad.  His mom say, "Don't worry.  Your dad is too fat, so I have to bounce up and down on him to get the air out of him."  Little Johnny say, "Mom, it won't do any good.  Mrs. Smith from across the street will come over tomorrow after you leave for work and just blow him back up again."
Sex is a lot like air.  It isn't a big deal unless you're not getting any.  mississippi1

Offline true_rebel

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #19 on: July 24, 2010, 11:08:50 AM »
Three nuns had just died.  They were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter meets them.  He says, "Sisters, you have all lived good lives, but before I can allow you inside the pearly gates, you must each answer a questiong.

He asks the first nun, " Who was the first man?"  The nun replies, "That's easy.  It was Adam."  The trumpets sound, the gates open, and the nun enters.

St. Peter asks the second nun, "Who was the first woman?"  The nun says, "That's easy.  It was Eve."  The trumpets sound, the gates open, and the nun enters.

St. Peter then asks the third nun, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"  The nun stood there for a minute thinking, then she says to St. Peter, "Damn.  That's a hard one."  The trumpets sound and the gates open.
Sex is a lot like air.  It isn't a big deal unless you're not getting any.  mississippi1

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #20 on: August 06, 2010, 04:58:48 PM »
Remember when Ronald Reagan was president.
We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash still with us...

Now we have Obama, no hope and no cash.
   

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Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #21 on: August 23, 2010, 08:52:48 PM »
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to  Hawaii  so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I
wish that I , and all men,  could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

                                                                 
 God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
   

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Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #22 on: August 23, 2010, 09:04:12 PM »
A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow:  I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!

The Ant:  I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!................
 
 
 
 
 
 



























 


Why are you scrolling down?  It's your turn to say something...
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #23 on: September 12, 2010, 11:35:48 AM »
OH HELL!! ... Let's
>Offend Everybody!
>
>
>Q. What's the Cuban
>National Anthem?
>A. Row, Row, Row
>Your Boat.
>
>Q. Where does
>an Irish family go on vacation?
>A. A
>different bar.
>
>Q. What did
>the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
>A. Sum Ting
>Wong .
>
>Q. What do
>you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
>A. A
>speech impediment.
>
>
>Q. Why aren't
>there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek ?
>A. Because
>they're not going to work in the future either.
>
>Q. Why do Driver
>Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
>Mondays , Wednesdays and Fridays?
>A. Because
>on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
>Q. What's the
>difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>A. The southern
>zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
>
>Q How do you
>get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
>A. Get
>another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
>
>Q. What's the
>difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
>A. A
>northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'
> A
>southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this chit.'
>
>
>Q.. Why
>doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
>A. Because
>all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.

Offline metabolik13

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Re: Just Joking
« Reply #24 on: September 15, 2010, 09:03:21 PM »
One Sunday morning,
A priest decided to
Do somethinga little different.
He said
'Today, 
In
Church, I am going
To say
A single word
And you are going to
Help me preach.
Whatever
Single word I say,I
Want you to singwhatever
Hymn that
Comes to your mind -- the pastor shouted out
'CROSS.'
 
Immediately
The congregation started singing in unison, 'THE OLD RUGGED
CROSS.'

The pastor hollered out 'GRACE.' The congregation began
To sing 'AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.'

The pastor said
'POWER.' The congregation sang 'THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.'

The
Pastor said 'SEX' The congregation fell into total
Silence.
 

Everyone
Was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to
Say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the
Church,
A
Little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing
'MEMORIES.'
   

 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.