Author Topic: How to start a fight  (Read 4961 times)

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Offline bondkbond

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How to start a fight
« on: February 13, 2013, 09:22:04 AM »
My girlfriend and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2013, 09:25:47 AM »

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And that’s when the fight started...

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2013, 09:29:07 AM »
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that’s when the fight started......

Offline 44Diesels

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2013, 10:15:16 AM »
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Offline DeeHawkz23

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2013, 11:08:46 AM »
Mrs Dee asked if what she was wearing made her look fat...I replied "No...your body makes you look fat,,"  I was kidding, but she did not find it so funny...
"I, too, once dabbled in Pacifism."

"In Heaven, there is no beer,  that's why we drink it here"
iowa1 chc3 chi4 min1 alabama1 We love you RJ!

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2013, 11:11:39 AM »
LOL DEE, that'll start a fight for sure!

Offline DeeHawkz23

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2013, 11:22:44 AM »
So when Mrs Dee put on her makeup once..she asked "How does it look?"  Being the smart ass I am, I said "It looks fine if you are going for the transgender look."  Never realized my couch was so comfy.... grin1

Bondy..such a great thread!  I could write a manifesto on how to start a fight!
"I, too, once dabbled in Pacifism."

"In Heaven, there is no beer,  that's why we drink it here"
iowa1 chc3 chi4 min1 alabama1 We love you RJ!

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2013, 11:30:15 AM »
So when Mrs Dee put on her makeup once..she asked "How does it look?"  Being the smart ass I am, I said "It looks fine if you are going for the transgender look."  Never realized my couch was so comfy.... grin1

Bondy..such a great thread!  I could write a manifesto on how to start a fight!


 rofl                    Ahhh yesss, the couch.   You sound like myself Dee, it's just all in fun but I like to be a smart a** too.

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2013, 11:32:06 AM »
Pranks are my favorite. Like pointing the shower head at the door and leaving the valve knob pulled up so when they turn the water on it's an instant cold blast. What a way to wake up!        grin1

Offline DeeHawkz23

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2013, 11:38:35 AM »
Pranks are my favorite. Like pointing the shower head at the door and leaving the valve knob pulled up so when they turn the water on it's an instant cold blast. What a way to wake up!        grin1

Baby powder in the hair dryer is my fav...honestly how many times can 1 person fall for that!
"I, too, once dabbled in Pacifism."

"In Heaven, there is no beer,  that's why we drink it here"
iowa1 chc3 chi4 min1 alabama1 We love you RJ!

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2013, 11:45:25 AM »
Baby powder in the hair dryer is my fav...honestly how many times can 1 person fall for that!

LOL, that one I've never done but the punch a small hole in the beer can under the mouth worked twice on the same can of beer once!  Bout pissed myself laughin.

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2013, 11:46:19 AM »
Maybe we should start a Prank exchange thread!          haha1

Offline 44Diesels

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #12 on: February 13, 2013, 11:46:50 AM »
Piss em off until they tell ya to kiss their ass and then.....Say this...Hell no !  I don't have all day to do that !  You're all ass !!!!!  haha1
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Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #13 on: February 13, 2013, 11:49:53 AM »
 rofl

Thats a blood boiler!

Offline DeeHawkz23

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #14 on: February 13, 2013, 12:14:30 PM »
Piss em off until they tell ya to kiss their ass and then.....Say this...Hell no !  I don't have all day to do that !  You're all ass !!!!!  haha1
lol 44..what about this one...when your lady tells you to "Bite me", say you don't eat pork! 
"I, too, once dabbled in Pacifism."

"In Heaven, there is no beer,  that's why we drink it here"
iowa1 chc3 chi4 min1 alabama1 We love you RJ!

Offline DeeHawkz23

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #15 on: February 13, 2013, 12:17:50 PM »
Maybe we should start a Prank exchange thread!          haha1
For sure!  Also try this one...fill your exhaust up with flour...and then tell your gal something is wrong with the car...tell her she needs to take a look at the exhaust..and then start the car...poof...but make sure you lock yourself in the car...you know..let her cool down rofl
"I, too, once dabbled in Pacifism."

"In Heaven, there is no beer,  that's why we drink it here"
iowa1 chc3 chi4 min1 alabama1 We love you RJ!

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #16 on: February 13, 2013, 12:24:21 PM »
For sure!  Also try this one...fill your exhaust up with flour...and then tell your gal something is wrong with the car...tell her she needs to take a look at the exhaust..and then start the car...poof...but make sure you lock yourself in the car...you know..let her cool down rofl

 rofl                Sounds like you must go thru quite a bit of flour at your house!


Offline DeeHawkz23

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2013, 12:29:58 PM »
I'm forever playing pranks, Bondy!  I heard someday I could possibly grow up..laughing adds 10 years to your life, so I will take all the help I can get, amigo...Ever put saran wrap over the top of a doorway?  I am sure Moneypenny would hate it, but you would laugh your ass off!
"I, too, once dabbled in Pacifism."

"In Heaven, there is no beer,  that's why we drink it here"
iowa1 chc3 chi4 min1 alabama1 We love you RJ!

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #18 on: February 13, 2013, 12:46:27 PM »
Never tried that one either. LOL, you're get me trouble now.

You did that at night then?

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #19 on: February 13, 2013, 12:47:32 PM »
Dont think I'll ever grow out of pranking and dont wanna. Its way too much fun!

Offline 44Diesels

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #20 on: February 13, 2013, 01:01:22 PM »
Honey..I lost 10 pounds says the wifey ! I say...I guess you had better go buy some new shoes...one size down because that's the only damn place you could have lost weight !  haha1
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Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2013, 01:09:04 PM »
LOL


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that’s when the fight started........

Offline River Rat

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2013, 01:28:04 PM »
When Mrs. Rat was 8 months pregnant with our son she was all dressed up getting ready to go to a baby shower in her honor.  She wanted me to take a picture of her all fixed up in full belly.  Just before I snapped the picture, she wanted to open the glass doors on the fireplace so the flash wouldn't reflect.

As she turned around and bent over to open the doors, she said, "and don't you dare take a picture of my big fat butt".  I said, "Don't worry, its not a panoramic camera".  grin1

At least I knew I could out run her in her condition.  haha1


Went out last night and got really wasted. 
I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK.

Offline bondkbond

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #23 on: February 13, 2013, 01:35:00 PM »
When Mrs. Rat was 8 months pregnant with our son she was all dressed up getting ready to go to a baby shower in her honor.  She wanted me to take a picture of her all fixed up in full belly.  Just before I snapped the picture, she wanted to open the glass doors on the fireplace so the flash wouldn't reflect.

As she turned around and bent over to open the doors, she said, "and don't you dare take a picture of my big fat butt".  I said, "Don't worry, its not a panoramic camera".  grin1

At least I knew I could out run her in her condition.  haha1

                                  LMAOA


No wonder you work on the road a lot!          haha1


Offline 44Diesels

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Re: How to start a fight
« Reply #24 on: February 13, 2013, 01:51:03 PM »
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